Big Brother Update. As if you care.

You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to poke every contestant on this year's Big Brother in the eye.

And then poke myself in the eye for watching it.

Chances are though, I don't think I'd end up doing the poking, because I'd not like to miss any part of an episode.... For some reason I'm drawn to Big Brother like a small boy is drawn to tree-houses and mud; some contestants are like charisma black-holes, yet some seem to be able to exude some kind of (near) human quality.

It's with a perverse voyeurism that I switch on Big Brother every evening, just to make sure that Tracy is still lying in bed, Gerry is still impressing us with his knowledge of the Renaissance (and Kylie Minogue lyrics), and the Brian is dreaming of cider....