Five Reasons to Hate Facebook

5. You give up seeing your friends in real life, but rather speak to them using a website.

4. Every day, photos are tagged of you.....most of which were taken whilst you were drunkenly swinging a bottle of vodka around your hot, red, sweaty face.

3. Everyone now knows of you as "that knob who keeps writing on his own wall".

2. Your family are beginning to succumb to the Facebook fad, and you are forced to censor your personal details. For example, your interests are changed from "Getting sh*tfaced off Lambrini every weekend" to "Reading quietly."

1. Now to come to the most depressing part of Facebook - the wall posts. Receiving them is one thing, (however rare that occasion may be) but I refer mainly to posting on other's walls. Here's how it goes:

• I post a message on a friend's wall; something cheery and chatty, perhaps asking how her Polo tournament went.
• There's no reply. I know she's been online.... I give them her benefit of the doubt, supposing that she's too busy to get back to me; Polo can be distracting, yet I still feel rather hurt.
  
• Still nothing.... and yet, as my post slides slowly down my friend's wall, slipping gradually towards oblivion, other posts take precidence, soliciting a cheery, chatty reply from my "friend".
• Cow.
  
• The next time we meet up, she asks why I'm ignoring her, and instead replying to others rather than her. I smile knowingly, then spam her on the forehead.