Friday, 13 July 2007

Raf-ia Donkey

I'm not sure I like Rafael Nadal.

I don't mean to stick the boot in, after all, the poor guy finished second in Wimbledon this year....but I thought it needed to be said.

He's the sort of tennis player who psychs himself up during a match by clenching his fist, and whispering words of encouragement to himself (in Spanish, I presume). It's this kind of silliness which puts me right off him.

He reminds me of a bully in primary school, who'd be frighteningly well developed, and who would thrash you in straight sets on the tennis court, while you sat sobbing in the corner; wishing you could go home to play on your gameboy.

Fair enough, you don't get where he's got today by not being competitive, but there's being competitive, and being a slightly scary Spaniard with tendencies to over react, and look like a tit.

He reminds me a lot of Christiano Ronaldo, with his Iberian good looks, and girlish fop of hair...but I'll leave Ronaldo for another vindictive post...

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

I did have a humourous post here; comparing Al Qaeda's second in command with "The Hood" from Thunderbirds. I thought this to be very amusing, but was so terrified of a fatwah, that I decided to take it down.

Oh, and I found that my blog was mentioned on the Times website, about my Paul Potts comment...they called me laconical.

I then looked "laconical" up.

Check this bad boy out. I'd be even more please if it'd reached my beloved Independent newspaper, but they were busy running stories about dying dolphins, and cruelty to puffins on the day in question.

Adventures of Cal spotted the same gag everyone else did, but was there more quickly, and more laconically, than the rest of us:

"Paul Potts has won Britain's Got Talent, which is wonderful. It's been a while since an ex-Cambodian Dictator has won a reality TV show. Except for when Hun Sen's ride got pimped... "

Sunday, 8 July 2007

Woman Jailed for Brown Lawn.

The face of evil? Betty Perry: bringing
down Democracy, one brown leaf at
a time.

A 70-year-old US woman has been left bruised and bloody after an unexpected clash with police who came to arrest her because her lawn was dry and brown. She was taken to jail after she refused to give her name.

Understandably, like many of you, I feel angry when I read stories like this. A seventy year old woman. Seventy. And yet she still felt the need to break the law; brazenly flouting Orem city guidelines with her "sadly neglected and dying landscape". Everybody knows that America is the land of the living, and Betty Perry should know this. You don't see "dying" landscapes in the USA (except Nevada...and Arizona...New Mexico...bits of Utah maybe) as they are watered daily by professionals. The fact that OAP Betty can't afford to water her garden makes no difference.

She says the officer hit her with handcuffs, cutting her nose, although police insist she slipped and fell.

Not only did the elderly lady neglect to water her garden, but "hit by an officer"? She's clearly a pathological criminal, hell-bent on bringing down the Police's glowing reputation; like the Mayday protesters in L.A who repeatedly ran into the Police's rubber bullets, or Rodney King who kept falling onto the boots of L.A police officers. Accidents happen! Slipping and falling is more common than you'd perhaps expect during arrest, and also when being tazered.

All I know for sure, is that next time I'm in America, I'll feel much safer in the knowledge that garden-neglecters are kept away from the rest of the law abiding community. People like Betty impinge on my God-given right to invade privacy by looking at my neighbour's nice green lawn.

"But she was let go when police realised there were "other ways" of finding out her identity without taking her to jail, a police spokesman said." Kudos to the spokesman, he's got a point there.

Look how barren it is...if that's not giving democracy the finger, I don't know what is. Better dead than Red, Betty. Although I suppose in this case it's Better Green than Brown...