Sunday 9 November 2008

What am I doing? I've just turned twenty for the first time (I turned 18 twice...) and ever since I've had odd feelings about life and what I'm doing with mine. Also, for the last five weeks I've had pretty constant colds, ending with flu last week, so I'm hilariously unhealthy having spent more than a month in bed with Doritos and iPlayer.

My life feels like everyone's. We all seem to be on the same Scalextric track, slotted firmly into a grove that keeps us moving on a course that can't and won't change. I'm really bored. I'm also at university, like most others, because that's what I'm expected to do... if I didn't, I'd be a lot more concerned about my employability. By why should I be? I hate the idea of planning the direction of my career, my life, in the pursuit of money and comfort...

If we are as free as we say we are in this amazingly fortunate country, why do we all do the same things? Why do we sell our soul to whoever's offering the highest salary? Isn't that just really dull?

That's why whenever I meet someone who doesn't know what they want to do, as long as it makes them and those around them happy, I think they're amazing. I'd like to be like that. I'd like everyone to be like that, but that's probably a bit unreasonable.